Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Picnics

Have I mentioned why I do not like picnics, flying in planes and tent camping?

I'll begin with picnics by painting a brief picture of the misery involved with attempting to eat in the outdoors:

So, what a nice sunny day to go on a picnic at the park. Let's take an hour to pack up all sorts of sub-par foods that would ordinarily take a few minutes to grab and eat (chips, potato salad, hot dogs, grapes). But, no. Now we have to carefully find things to put these foods into in order to keep them upright, cold or whatever else they require. We have to find things to sit on, to eat with, to clean up with (just so that when you get home all wind-blown and tired out you can run around trying to clean all of these things to put away).

You get to the park after lugging the coolers and blankets and other crap. You find a picnic table and there's bird poop, sticky spots and spider webs all over it. You put the table cloth down and the wind keeps catching it and blowing it off. Oops, we forgot something to put the hamburgers on and we don't have a spoon for the salad. There's an ant in my soda and my napkin just flew away (for the 3rd time). The wind is blowing hair into my mouth and we forgot the ketchup. I sure wish I could get the dirt off my hotdog bun... since it rolled off the table and into some dirt and soot. I'm a little cool in the wind, but thankfully the sun is shining in my eyes. My pupils are warm, though blind. We have to scarf down the potato salad, since the heat could make it go bad pretty quickly. Oh, did I feel a rain drop? Quick everyone, gather everything up fast and haul it back to the car! It's raining! It sure is a good thing that we dirtied a bunch of extra dishes and took 5 hours to eat what normally could have been a 1-plate, 15 minute process. Why make eating so hard? It's not that fun.

Tune in next time for camping fun and flying fears!

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