I do believe that after a lifetime of tent camping with my family for years and years, I am now done. No longer can I sleep on rocks and pebbles (while the blood flows to my head due to a strange sloping that only appears once inside the tent) disguised as "just little bumps" under a paper thin sleeping pad and sleeping bag. I always did hate my sleeping bag. Green and slippery. Never have I met a sleeping bag with a zipper that doesn't get stuck in the night when you're tired and freezing. Why? Is it that hard to make a snag-free zipper??? So, it's all dark and muggy and at first you're hot and clammy and lie outside of your sleeping bag only to realize that a hundred mosquitoes are now biting your body to shreds, so you retreat into the bag and you feel slightly too warm. But, there's nothing you can do about it... so, you're feeling almost comfortable when a strange and annoying buzzing starts in around your face. It's a stupid mosquito that has found the one and only part of your body that is exposed. You swat and slap and get out the flashlight, but to no avail. In the morning you've got several new bites and itchy places to nurse. You're also very tired because nobody sleeps well with a clump of other people around breathing loudly, smacking their lips, snoring, getting out of bed (unzipping their bag, unzipping the tent door, etc.) to go a mile to the bathroom and then returning only to begin the whole zipper thing and mosquito mania again. If you have a mother like mine, she likes to get up with the friggin' sun and "enjoy the sunrise" so there's the early morning disruption to end an endless night of not-very-good-sleep.
Then in the morning, you're groggy, you feel gross, nothing is easy (getting dressed with your entire family in the same "room" is a little odd, if not difficult). Eating while camping is a pain. Though I'm sure some people like it. Food is rationed for the time you'll be there so you're not really free to eat whatever you want. It's always harder to make something when you have to make a fire, lug water, boil water, live out of a cooler and hide food from animals all the time. Constantly being told to "Close the cooler!" Of course, ice and cold only last so long. I know, I know.
Let me just say that while I think swimming is fun and nice and all. Swimming will never replace showering. It is not a replacement for showering. Having my hair feel gross and not being able to do anything about it makes me crazy. It isn't cool. I don't need to dry it or style it, but I must have shampoo. Must. I always feel dirty and grungy when I'm camping and I don't like it.
Packing up is almost as bad as unpacking. Everything is dirty and sanding and there are squashed bugs everywhere. You're tired and hungry and dirty. Now you have to go home and unpack and clean everything you own. And if you're like us, you've got a lot of stuff to deal with. We had 5 of everything... bikes, sleeping bags, sleeping pads, pillows, etc.. Not to mention the big fat tent and all the components. It was happy times, but I don't need to relive them.
If I have kids, I will send them to camp.
